Teachers are among the most constant and important figures in children’s lives. Teachers, as well as school counselors, special education providers, extended care staff and administrators interact with children for many hours of a child’s day. They are therefore quite frequently on the front lines of helping anxious children navigate their days and manage their fears.
Teachers, like parents often gravitate toward solutions that may result in short term relief, but ultimately feed a child’s fear. Allowing or encouraging a student to avoid engaging in an activity that he fears, or does not feel at ease in doing, may make his day easier; but will not help the child conquer his particular fears. When a child avoids a feared or uncomfortable situation, he essentially tells his brain that he has something to fear. Additionally, he misses the opportunity to benefit from learning that the situation does not result in the dire consequences he feared. Repeatedly talking and rationalizing with a child about why he should not be afraid or uncomfortable, similarly does not help him conquer his fears. Another counter-productive strategy that I have observed being utilized in the classroom is encouraging the anxious child to develop an exit strategy for uncomfortable or distressing situations. This tactic similarly sends the child the message that he should be afraid and that he cannot manage the situation. The child must gradually face the situation that triggers his fears to free himself from anxiety.
Here are some suggestions to guide you in your efforts to constructively manage anxious behaviors and support your charges. First and foremost, resist the urge to help the child avoid feared situations. Instead, encourage the child to participate in the trigger activity or situation. It may be helpful to break down exposure into manageable steps, beginning with easier aspects of the entire situation, and as the child masters each step, move to the next step that is more challenging. Rewards are typically very helpful in motivating the anxious child to face her fears.
For example, let’s say Johnny expresses reluctance to play outside during recess because he thinks he can’t play 4-square as well as his buddies and he fears that they will judge him negatively because of this. He complains to his teacher about this. She knows he’s generally a great kid (as are most kids with anxiety issues) and thinks she’s doing him a favor by allowing him to stay in the classroom during lunch recess to work on a “special” project that allows him to show his talents making beautiful artful posters for the upcoming book fair. This tactic will indeed put the child at temporary ease, but only serves to perpetuate and feed that child’s fear in the long run. A far healthier strategy would be to encourage the child to participate in 4-square and reward him for so doing. If committing to play feels too hard to try at the outset, encourage the child to be out on the playground to observe the game until he feels less distressed about that. Once he experiences diminished distress on the playground while observing, encourage him to take the plunge and play the game. The more he repeats each step, the more rapidly he will master his fear. If he makes only one brief attempt and gives up before he has habituated, he will simply be triggered and will not have as much opportunity to learn that his fears are not so likely to come to pass.
In sum, do not enable the anxious child to avoid the situations he fears, but rather, encourage him to engage in triggering activities. Make it a fun challenge and be generous with rewards. As Eleanor Roosevelt said: “Do one thing every day that scares you.”